What I Did in Istanbul

- Marveled at the Aya Sofya's splendor
- Marveled at the Hotel Ilkay's squalor
- Haggled for a T-Shirt at the Bizaar
- Yelled at innumerable annoying stray cats
- Ate lots of authentic Turkish food like shish kabob
- Took real nasty shits shortly thereafter
- Got denied entry to a club because of the color of my skin
- Was granted entry to a transvestite bar by accident
- Drank lots of beer measured by the cubic centimeter
- Got mistaken for being Dutch over 2 dozen times
- Abstained from shaving for a week
- Abstained from sex for a week (and counting)
- Walked barefoot through an enourmous mosque
- Walked barefoot and topless and bottomless through a Turkish bath
- Enjoyed "Happy Hours" at a Will Smith's Wild Wild Western themed saloon
- Listened to an aggressive street vendor's sales pitch of "Socks! Do you know how much?"
- Listened to an aggressive resauranteur's sales pitch of "Yes please! Chicken, fish, beer, wine, very best restaurant!
- Watched a friend completly fail at growing facial hair
- Watched a friend read an entire Harry Potter book
- Experienced the many cultural attractions found at the historical juncture between two continents and cultures, and mocked them
- Watched the Turkey lose a World Cup Qualifing soccer match
- Quoted Da Ali G show in two different continents on the same day
- Watched hardcore Turkish ponorgraphy on a 7 inch TV in the hotel room
- Was in a cab while it got in an accident in the middle of crossing the Golden Horn
- Took a cruise up the Bosphorus Strait, climbed a 1500 year old Byzantine fortess and watched the sun set over the Black sea
- Killed many, many, many dead Muslim men in due course of my personal Holy Christian Jihad