Sic Semper Mayonnanus

Wednesday, October 19, 2058
Arlintgon, Mexicanada

The star-studded Mayonnaise Cannons failed to live up to thier overhyped potential, unceremoniously losing 3 out the last 4 games of the season, bringing their final record to 5-13.

Undoubtedly, 100% of the blame lies with team captain and professional flim-flammer, Ravid Reene.

"Who cares about the record?" David said after the final out, "I skimmed $25 bucks off every team member's entry fee and now I'm rich, so fuck off!"

Other Mayonannons expressed themselves following the season's end.

"Yeah, losing that much was a bummer, but I make $800,000 a year so it's no big deal." - Mr. Riffy

"Every single moment I spent with the team I wished I was somewhere else. I've never had a bigger regret in my life then signing up. wah wah wah, boo friggin hoo." - Tiler Tesbach

"Let me put it this way: I'd rather hang out with Coursen then play another game." - Hoonter Huggington

"Let me put it this way: I wish I was born with a penis." - David Weegle the Paralegel

"I was manufactured to administer punishment. Please wield me with extreme prejudice." - Cyclone 4000

"Rectum? Damn near kill 'em!" - Jared Fogle

Nobody wants to hear anymore about this abortion of a sports team so let's skip the rest of the quotes and go right to the fall edition of THE MOVIE NAME GAME.

Charlie and the Faggot Factory
The Fags of Hazzard
Must Love Fags
The March of the Faggots
The Faggots Grimm
The Constant Faggot
Fags in America
Faggot Country
Faggottown
Shopfaggot
Fag Fag, Bang Bang
Dreamer: Inspired by a Fag Story
A History of Faggots
Fag Bride
and finally, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Faggot