Famed drinking squadron, the Rockets Red, are operative and on the warpath of drinking and destruction. The inaugural dip into the fermanted springs of beerzors occured Saturday the first of April's fool. No one has yet found a way to contain the unbridled thirst of the assmebled champions of alcho-beverages. Whole cities tremble before their awesomeness. The President of the United States of America wets himself when he thinks about the fearsomeness that is the Rockets Red. They are that fucking huge.
The boozing rampage began at the Crytal City Sports Pub, patron to our heroes' endevours. Captain Ravid Reene began with a toast:
"As we watch the hanging plasma screens display the pathetic ineptitude of the outclassed men's basketball program of George Asshole Mason University, remember that no one will ever over rate the imbibing capacity of we Rockets Red. That is because we always drink ALL THE BEERS."
"And I'll fucking kill anyone who says otherwise," added team member Foglvy as he quaffed a liter of cold filtered brew.
The Rockets continued their warpath across town at Jay's, a local sozzlery of fortifying repute. Thousands of gallons more of elixir was then poured down their awaiting gullets.
"This is a woman's paradise!" exclaimed Rockette Tara-Beara, proving that binge drinking is not an exclusively masculine gratuity.
As such, the bonds of teamwork are sewn into the fabric of every Red heart - in all save psuedo member Femily Smell, that is.
"I have more important things to do than the drinking of beers. Like working, and studying, and shopping, and blah blah blah-" and those were the last words out of Femily's mouth before it was filled with molten lava that flowed from the magma pit in which she was tossed by her unrepentant former teammates.
The mood was thus summarized by professional pitcher crushing titan, Shaw McPane, "The motherfucking reason of our being is to bask in our supremacy. Our fucking supremacy! We will drink, and any fuck who dares say nay is fucking going to get fucking annihilated. Now everybody fucking drink right fucking now. I said fucking drink! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!"
The chant spirited the Rockets Red away as they monstrously guzzled the night into oblivion.
They also lost the first game of their Arlington County League flag football season 42-0.
