I've had it with this bitch

It's this kind of bullshit that I can no longer countenance. Way to fuck up a good thing, ho.

I am now accepting applicants for a new future Mrs. Spae.

See you in Hell, Burish!

Former W&L president and bane of Aqua Vela resigns like the true son-of-a-bitch coward that he is.

July 21, 2005

Dear Members of the Washington and Lee Community,

I have informed the Board of Trustees today that I have
accepted the position of Provost at the University of Notre Dame.
Despite the attraction of returning to Notre Dame to assume what for
me is a dream position, the decision to accept this offer was the
most difficult of my life. Building upon a cherished foundation,
Washington and Lee is poised for an even more distinguished future,
and Pam and I will miss being part of that progress.

Notre Dame is my alma mater. It aspires to be both a great
academic institution and a great Catholic institution. This latter
attribute, being a Catholic institution, is why I went there as an
undergraduate, and is a major reason I am now drawn back to it. The
challenge of wrapping together this faith-based heritage while
further strengthening its academic excellence is a rare opportunity
and, for me, a special dream. I did not anticipate this opportunity
or seek it, but am excited by it and am grateful for it.

None of this, however, makes it easy to leave for either Pam
or me. We have made a home here, and after only a few years some of
our most treasured friends are here. The faculty, staff, and
students-individuals with whom we interact on a daily basis-are
people we admire and enjoy. Rector Norwood and the trustees have
been extraordinary in their leadership and oversight roles, and have
been very supportive. The alumni and alumnae are uncommonly
committed, generous, and involved. The debates and discussions we
have had over the future of the University have been candid and
rewarding, and led to much progress. Pam and I will continue to
serve Washington and Lee in whatever ways we can during the
transition to a new President. I know the University will continue
to prosper and grow in the future while retaining those qualities
that make it so special.

While Pam and I will physically be leaving Lexington, part
of us shall always remain at Washington and Lee. We are forever
grateful to you for your friendship and support, and shall always be
among the University's most loyal advocates. It has been one of the
greatest honors of my life to have been the President of Washington
and Lee.




Sincerely yours,

Tom

Fare the well, asshole! Aqua Velva 1, Burish 0

A red midget and a green ogre. 

I love my perfectly average, medium sized, white car

If there is one thing I like to talk about, it's my perfectly average, medium sized, white car. It's a very nice car, regular in size and shape. It's not too threatening and pleasant enough to look at. It's definitley one of my most favorite things in the world.

I named my perfectly average, medium sized, white car Rodimus Prime.

I will often try to impress the ladies with my perfectly average, medium sized, white car. For example, if I see some attractive women walking down the street, I might say to them, "Hey ladies, check out my perfectly average, medium sized, white car!" I might also ask them if they think they can handle my perfectly average, medium sized, white car.

One time a really hot babe rubbed up against my perfectly average, medium sized, white car but I think it was by mistake.

I take good care of my perfectly average, medium sized, white car. I polish Rodimus Prime whenever I get the chance and I keep all the nooks and cranies of my perfectly average, medium sized, white car clean at all time.

Strangely, most people aren't as impressed with my perfectly average, medium sized, white car as I am.

The worst day of my life was when I broke my perfectly average, medium sized, white car. I was able to get a professional to fix it, and my perfectly average, medium sized, white car works just fine now, but for a while there I was really worried.

Just last a week, a girl masterbated my perfectly average, medium sized, white car while I - wait a minute... have I been saying perfectly average, medium sized, white car this whole time? What I've been meaning to say my perfectly average, medium sized, white cock. Sorry for the confusion.

Yup, I really think I have the best perfectly average, medium sized, white cock that there is and I wouldn't trade Rodimus Prime for any other rooster in the world.

How Stella Was a Dumb Bitch to Begin With

Talk about a cupid stunt.

Who rules? Robert Spae rules.

Last Saturday night was typically dominant. Went to Garrett's. Lost a chicken dinner in a poorly played match of Rock Paper Scissors. Got what was most likely a fake number from some broad. Crushed copious amounts of Miller Lite, Jack & Cokes and Jaegermeister. Then there was the cab ride home.

So I was bragging to the cabby about how awesome I was when we pulled up to a red light next to another cab packed with more drunk kids. I was alone and felt now would be a good time to show the cabby what I was talking about. So I looked out my widow at the cab full of young adults and explained to them that, "I have a gun in here, and I'm going to shoot all of you."

I showed them I mean business by pointing both index fingers at them, pretending that my hands actually composed some sort of rifle.

It took the other cab a few seconds to digest my threat, but soon thereafter I found myself being bombarded with a slew of nasty insults. "Hey, where are all your friends, loser." "I don't see your date anywhere, faggot." "You look like an asshole you stupid dick."

As I contemplated how they were able to overcome their fear of being shot up by a gun that I was pretending to have I also stared right at them all with a big, dumb, glazed look on my face until the light turned green. The two cabs drove off in seperate directions without another word from me.

So, as it turned out, I didn't rule at all that night. In fact, I looked like a huge tool.

God damn it.

I'd say more like a close third

This paper makes a bold claim, especially with the likes Jono and Harding running around, unaborted yet.

Jose Guillen on W&L Men's Lax Head Caoch Mike Cerino

"I have no respect for him any more, because I'm still hurt from what happened last year. Mike Cerino to me is like a piece of garbage. I don't care if I get in trouble. He can go to hell."