Sic Semper Mayonnanus

Wednesday, October 19, 2058
Arlintgon, Mexicanada

The star-studded Mayonnaise Cannons failed to live up to thier overhyped potential, unceremoniously losing 3 out the last 4 games of the season, bringing their final record to 5-13.

Undoubtedly, 100% of the blame lies with team captain and professional flim-flammer, Ravid Reene.

"Who cares about the record?" David said after the final out, "I skimmed $25 bucks off every team member's entry fee and now I'm rich, so fuck off!"

Other Mayonannons expressed themselves following the season's end.

"Yeah, losing that much was a bummer, but I make $800,000 a year so it's no big deal." - Mr. Riffy

"Every single moment I spent with the team I wished I was somewhere else. I've never had a bigger regret in my life then signing up. wah wah wah, boo friggin hoo." - Tiler Tesbach

"Let me put it this way: I'd rather hang out with Coursen then play another game." - Hoonter Huggington

"Let me put it this way: I wish I was born with a penis." - David Weegle the Paralegel

"I was manufactured to administer punishment. Please wield me with extreme prejudice." - Cyclone 4000

"Rectum? Damn near kill 'em!" - Jared Fogle

Nobody wants to hear anymore about this abortion of a sports team so let's skip the rest of the quotes and go right to the fall edition of THE MOVIE NAME GAME.

Charlie and the Faggot Factory
The Fags of Hazzard
Must Love Fags
The March of the Faggots
The Faggots Grimm
The Constant Faggot
Fags in America
Faggot Country
Faggottown
Shopfaggot
Fag Fag, Bang Bang
Dreamer: Inspired by a Fag Story
A History of Faggots
Fag Bride
and finally, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Faggot

"Fuck Yeah!"

October 5, 2005
Arlington, VA

The Mayonnaise Cannons lost two more times, bringing their record to not many and lots. Their opponents, The Thunderbutthomofagdawgs, though technically superior, were probably feilding an illegal team due to all the she-males and post-op trannies that were obviously playing for them.

Bases on balls were again the achillies heel for the Mayonannons, as little baby David Weegle the paralegal couldn't find the strike zone, though he had no problem finding a different kind of strike zone last week, if you know what I mean (I'm talking about the pussy!).

Other Mayonnaise Cannons blamed their poor preformance on being distracted by the upcoming weekend, where they will be knee-deep in prostitutes, blow and gambling debt by this time tomorrow.

After the game, several Cannons made their way to the Clarendon grill to hear one of the worlds greatest songs ever and celebrate the 2 week anniversary of Matthew Ogle and the newest Mayonannon, Mandy. The happy couple also announced that they would thenceforth be known only as the singular entity, Mandogle.