Two Colossal Failures

After being ripped from the collegiate teat and thrust on to an unseuspecting and illprepared world, it's hard to imagine two bigger dissapointments to society than J.P. Vito and D. "Chaz" Waggle. Let's compare and contrast.

- After graduating with the lowest GPA of the triumvirate, Veidner promtly went to work wasting Dr. Weigel's $120,000 investment by completely askewing his Broadcast Journalism B.A. and pulling a Matt Stavish. That means David went crawling back to his old high school, aka St. Mary's So. MD Catholic Trash Depository, and took up a post in the recruitment office where he put his degree to work stuffing envelopes and conducing fund raising phone-a-thons. The House of David lived at home, ogled jailbait in the halls and argued with refs at JV lacrosse games all the while deepening his cirppling nicotine dependency.

- Vittoe successfully conned the collective minds at W&L and escaped Lexington, dimploma in hand and father's earnings from driving a bus squandered. The Dosh quickly solidified his position as World's Biggest Fraud by joining the capitalist ratrace by exploiting his old boys high school almuni network, thus turning his back on the Lenninist/Marxist philosophy he so vehmently extoled in college, obviously for mere shock value. The overgrown Irish/Italian McWop continued to infest his parent's meager domicile, torturing his obese cat and smelling of garbage until he finally fled the country, much to the chagrin of buffet owners up and down the island.

It's hard to pick a victor in this battle of losers, however I think I speak for everyone when I say the real winners are the ladies of DC, who have been enjoying my good looks and charm for nearly two years now. As for the losers, besides these two clowns, I think we should also include the AIDS victims in Africa, becasue well hey, sucks for them!