Faggots and Dykes

After yesterday's game, most insensitive observers would assume that the Mayonnaise Cannons' opponents, The Can Nots, consisted of nothing but faggots and dykes. And although the Can Nots did all either act like pussies or look like Amazonians, this appellation would be unfair to the gay and lesbian community, as no group of people, alternative sexual proclivities notwithstanding, deserve to be lumped together with such unmitigated lameness. Not ones for needless slander, the Mayonnaise Cannons were content to think of their opponents simply as huge fucking douche bags.

Capt. Kim Jong Keene summed up his teams feelings, "That was officially my least favorite team so far from either this year or last."

There was cause for some minor celebration, however, as two new Cannonettes were welcomed into the fold.

Red Rocket alumna Fiery Meg Valters brought a level of intensity unmatched by either team, and the talented LeRihanna Thormor brought her glove.

Also deserving special mention was the outstanding defensive play of third base stalwart Emily Biggie Smalls, who played huge as her name would suggest, sacrificing her body to make a run saving tag in a bonecrushing but spectacular play.

"You think that big gorilla barreling into third base scared me?" said Emily of the the play. "I'll take that fucking bitch down EVERY time."

And in a stunning display of competence, Apollo Anton Keene managed to get the jerseys to the game, finally allowing the Mayo Cannons to disply their logos of a symbolic male orgasm proudly on thier chests. Keene even had the foresight to order white cotton t-shirts, giving the male Cannons extra incentive to attend games in wet and rainy weather such as yesterday's.

The Mayonannons bring their sterling 0-4 record to the park next Wednesday to take on some new bunch of undoubtedly lame assholes.