AQUA VELVA CHALLENGE: LOSER'S DINNER
The AVC returns for a competition of gastronomic true depravity.
Loser's Dinner is a pathetic culinary tradition that originated during Metallica's early struggling period, when Lars Ulrich would brag about subsisting on "bologna-on-hand-sandwiches" which he called Loser's Lunch. It is a source of pride for the single, lame, ugly and destitute people who have neither the time, money nor dignity to bother to cook themselves a decent meal.
The goal of this AVC is to be the most loser by eating the worst dinners. A Loser's Dinner is judged by a single criterion: the worse the meal the greater the score. After 7 consecutive Loser's Dinners, whoever has eaten the most poorly is deemed the winner.
There are several difining characteristics of a Loser's Dinner and also many things that disqualify a meal from Loser's Dinner eligibility. Once Loser's Dinner status has been established, bonus points are awarded or subtracting for scoring purposes. The rules and points are meant to be flexible.
To be considered a Loser's Dinner, one's meal should:
- have as little nutritional value as possible.
- be eaten out of the box or otherwise have the absolute minimal preperations required.
- only be heated with a microwave. A stove or oven can never be used. A toaster can be used sparingly. A toaster oven is pushing it.
- come from a fast food restaurant only if all items are ordered from the value menu.
- never be served to you. If you have a waiter, it's not a Loser's Dinner.
- not be too tasty. If you're spening time making sure it tastes good then you're caring far too much.
- illicit pity from those who watch you eat.
Bonus points include but are not limited to:
+1 less than 3 food groups represented
-1 all 4 food groups present
+1 disposal silverware, plates and drinking vessals
+1 for each component that comes from a supermarket's generic brand
-1 for each item that comes from Whole Foods
+1 eating something frozen that is supposed to be heated (or at least thawed)
+1 leaving off condiments normally associated with a food (ex. dry toast)
-1 adding any seasoning, including salt
+1 eating in front of the television
+5 eating in front of a computer while playing World of Warcraft
Other rules and points should be welcomed amendments as long as they are in the spirit of the competition. And finally, as an immutable law, having your girlfriend prepare a meal gets you barred from the competition completely. Seriously, what are you trying to do, rub it in? Fucking jerk.
Loser's Dinner is a pathetic culinary tradition that originated during Metallica's early struggling period, when Lars Ulrich would brag about subsisting on "bologna-on-hand-sandwiches" which he called Loser's Lunch. It is a source of pride for the single, lame, ugly and destitute people who have neither the time, money nor dignity to bother to cook themselves a decent meal.
The goal of this AVC is to be the most loser by eating the worst dinners. A Loser's Dinner is judged by a single criterion: the worse the meal the greater the score. After 7 consecutive Loser's Dinners, whoever has eaten the most poorly is deemed the winner.
There are several difining characteristics of a Loser's Dinner and also many things that disqualify a meal from Loser's Dinner eligibility. Once Loser's Dinner status has been established, bonus points are awarded or subtracting for scoring purposes. The rules and points are meant to be flexible.
To be considered a Loser's Dinner, one's meal should:
- have as little nutritional value as possible.
- be eaten out of the box or otherwise have the absolute minimal preperations required.
- only be heated with a microwave. A stove or oven can never be used. A toaster can be used sparingly. A toaster oven is pushing it.
- come from a fast food restaurant only if all items are ordered from the value menu.
- never be served to you. If you have a waiter, it's not a Loser's Dinner.
- not be too tasty. If you're spening time making sure it tastes good then you're caring far too much.
- illicit pity from those who watch you eat.
Bonus points include but are not limited to:
+1 less than 3 food groups represented
-1 all 4 food groups present
+1 disposal silverware, plates and drinking vessals
+1 for each component that comes from a supermarket's generic brand
-1 for each item that comes from Whole Foods
+1 eating something frozen that is supposed to be heated (or at least thawed)
+1 leaving off condiments normally associated with a food (ex. dry toast)
-1 adding any seasoning, including salt
+1 eating in front of the television
+5 eating in front of a computer while playing World of Warcraft
Other rules and points should be welcomed amendments as long as they are in the spirit of the competition. And finally, as an immutable law, having your girlfriend prepare a meal gets you barred from the competition completely. Seriously, what are you trying to do, rub it in? Fucking jerk.
posted by Anonymous | 8:06 AM
2 Comments:
+1 point for eating your cereal sans milk.
cold speghettios with no utensils is the ultimate loser's dinner. If there is a more loser dinner, i'd like to know what it is.
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