Time to Cash In

Might as well use all that free pub from the Sean McGrane show to showcase some Aqua Velvan talent. Since the current spike in readership is populated undoubtedly by people who already heard the Olympic Pool Wrap Up broadcasted in REAL TIME, I'll just do a run down of the team final scores again, one last time, only this time enhanced by my PUMPED UP GIS SKILLZ!

6th place

5th place

4th place

3rd place

2nd place

1st PRIZE

And while we still have you here, how about a couple of samples from our 'best of' files...

"I was driving down Route 1, thinking about how fucking great my softball team is, when I saw a sign for Dick's Sporting Goods. Right after that I saw a sign for BJ's Wholesalers, and after that a sign for Siemen's Furniture Store. 'How amazing,' I thought, 'to see those three signs in a row.' And they were in the perfect order too: Dick's, BJ's and Seimen's. That makes sense right? Those stores should line up so that you have Dick's, then a BJ's and then Siemen's, right? Because it only makes sense if you have a Dick's coming before a BJ's. No, wait, maybe it should be the way around. Dick's should come after a BJ's and Siemen's just going all over the place. Right? Man I'm confused."

and we'll close with...

Hairy Pooter: and the Scocerer's Bone

Hairy had been living a normal life with humans until it is realized the scar on his left testicle means he is a master coxman capable of boning all the women in the world. He is wisked away by a bunch of naked flying babes who he then has sex with.

At the Hogballs Academy of Fucking, Hairy learnes to screw in positions he'd only dreamt of. He also learns to weild his magical dong bone with extraordinary passion.

Hairy's rivals, Vaginamort and Malfart, are vanquished when Hairy explodes their scrotums in a titanic match of Queefitch. Hairy celebrates by having a threesome with his friends, Hugemiones and Rod. The part of Rod is to be played by Tara Patrick.