A Joy that Kills

The tires on Robocop's police cruiser squealed as he slide to a stop in front of an escaping burgler. Robocop threw open his door and picked the criminal up by his collar.

"What is it that you think you are doing?" Robocop asked in his stereo-robotic voice.

"Wha?" the burgler replied.

"Can you not see that I am serious?" Robocop said. He then pointed his gun behind him without looking, fired, and blew up HIS OWN squad car. The flaming wreckage shot into the air and landed just to the right of the visably shaken burgler. He tried to scream for help but all that came out of his mouth was gibberish.

"You do not even know what it is that of which you speak!" said Robocop and he tossed the beaten criminal into an alley only after first recovering the stolen diamonds from the would be theif.

Lacking automotive transportation, Robocop used his built in rocket jets to fly the diamonds back to the jewlery store from whence they came. Without stopping, Robocop crashed straight through the window, breaking in right next to where the diamond thief had busted a hole, and landed directly in front of a severely upset jewlery store manager.

"What the hell are you doing you stupid Robocop?!?" The store manager yelled.

Robocop tried respond that he was merely following proper protocol, only he found himself completely dumbstruck. As the manager continued to upbraid him for smashing her window, Robocop simplely stared dreamily into her eyes. He was entirely smitten.

Finally the exasperated manager asked, "Well, aren't going to say something?"

The only thing Robocop managed to produce from his cybernetic mouth was "Can I push it up in?"

"Excuse me?" Asked the manager.

The still befuddled Robocop replied, "I want to sex it, the pussy."

The store manager stood still but reared her head back away from Robocop and, after taking another second to collect her thoughts, said, "My pussy? Sex it with what you no dick having, no door using, dumb ass talking, inorganic, metallic cod-pieced motherfucker?"

Robocop then needed a moment to process the toungelashing he had just recieved before realizing he actually had been rather cloddish latley. Instead of risking further bumbling with his dream-woman, Robocop decided he could more effectivley comomunicate his feelings through song. He stepped back from the counter, held out his index finger and said, "Perhaps this will explain to you what it is that I am feeling."

Speakers automatically ejected from his shoulders and a robotic guitar was retreived from his thigh where he also holstered his gun. Robocop inhaled deeply, squinted his eyes and belted out: "Cause youre a real farthammer, tonight!!!!"

On the last syllable of the first verse, Robocop brought his robo-pick down hard on the guitar strings. The insturment wailed the most powerful of all chords and inumberable decibles spewed forth from his shoulder mounted speakers.

Unfortuneltey, a tune of such magnitude is only mortally perceptable to cyborgs with superhuman volume thresholds. When the full force of Robocop's song, Real Farthammer (tonight), hit the poor store manager her face exploded and all the skin and flesh on her body was completely stripped from her bone.

When Robocop finished the first chrous in falsetto and finally opened his eyes, he discovered his beloved store manager had turned into a rather unattractive skeloton. Realizing he had done it again, Robocop threw his guitar to the ground in disgust and blasted out another hole in the jewelery store window using his booster jets.

"Women," Robocop thought to himsefl as he flew away, "can't live with 'em, can not handle it my totally farthammer yeah."