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Things We Do To Fatties and Other Chicks Willing To Sack Up With Us

Angry DragonImmediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. Arabian GogglesA "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new. The Bait N' TackleThe sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing! BallsackingTakes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough. Bear ClawA synonym for extremely large pussy lips. Beef CurtainThe shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam. Beer DickThis is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick. BlumpyYou need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter. The BroncoYou start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off. Brown Bagging ItSometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind. Brown NecktieYou're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags. BrunskiWhen a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.) The BullwinkleThe sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.) Butter FaceWhen you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty. The Canine SpecialLiberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf! The Carpet CleanerWhile banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women. The Chili Dog When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her. Chocolate PizzaHappily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye. Cleveland SteamerThe act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries. Cock-StuffingApparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow! Cold LunchThe act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio. The ConcoctionFirst, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again. The Compton GangbangYou meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.) Cop's DelightThe act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut. The CorkscrewCross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood. CornOriginating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!" Couch BombingWhen you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first CoyoteThis occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful. Cum DumpsterA quadriplegic whore. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping BitchThe once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends. Daisy ChainPartner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight. Davey CrockettA sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights. Dirty SanchezA time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez. Dirty SwirlyWhile boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it. Dog In A BathtubThis is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath. Donkey PunchBanging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate. Duct Tape TrickWrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split. Dutch OvenEntrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing). Dutch TreatThe unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy. DVDAThe abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm. The Electric ChairYour psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed. FelchingA gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw... The Fish EyeFrom behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion signaling that she has been there and done that. Fish-HookWhen you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus. The Fire IslandThis consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented. Flaming AmazonThis one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz! Flooding The CaveInserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well. The Flying CamelA personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move. The Flying DutchmanThis didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects. The Fountain Of YouWhile sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed) Fur BallWhen you're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro and a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat. GobstopperWith two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want. Golden ShowerAny form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports. GreekThe act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad Ham And Cheese SandwichEating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite. Hershey HighwayWhen plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube. High DiveThe skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous. The HindenburgWhen some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool. HoggingWhile intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups of friends. Hole In OneThe act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo. Hotdog In A HallwayWhen laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick. Hot KarlThe act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can. Hot Karl Candy CaneA variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around. Hot LunchThe result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.
Houdini
When doing a girl doggie style, and youre about to blow your load, you pull out, spit on her back and when she turns around to look you nut in her eye.
HummerThe well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm. The Hunter GathererYou and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory. The Indian Cock BurnWhile a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn. The Jedi Mind TrickWhen banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you". The Jelly DonutGive some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut. The Juanita Special Bean DipWhile your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip. Kennebunkport SurpriseThe act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out. Kick-FuckingThe act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass. The LandsharkThe woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass. The Lorena BobbitObviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.) The MentholThe act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock. The Mellon DiveHeadbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun. Monkey WrenchWhen some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off. Monroe TransferWhen you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other. The MopedA chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean. The MorkMade famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!) MosesA man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea. The MotorboatWhile performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever. Muff TeaserFinger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again. The MungObtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth. Mushy BiscuitThis is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food. New Jersey Meat-HookThe unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind. New York Style TacoAnytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails. The NixonA variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum. OysterA derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them. Pasadena MudslideThis happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.) PattycakeWhile you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load. Paying The RentA position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously. Peanut Butter And Jelly SandwichShit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.) Pearl NecklaceWell known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit. The Pig RoastWhile you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs. Pink GloveHate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove. The Pirate's TreasureWhile fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate. PlatingTake a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials. The Popcorn TrickFirst, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn? Puerto Rican Fog BankWhile 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Purple MushroomThis occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom. QueefA well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released. The RamWhen attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity. Rear AdmiralAn absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips Red WingsAnother name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier! ResuscitationWhen a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights. The Roddy PiperWhen getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again. The RodeoSimilar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw! The Rose CreeperSeductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming. The Rusty TromboneThis is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player. SandbagUnder an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season. The ScrewnicornWhen a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn. The SeatbeltWhile one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom. Shirley TemplePour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out. The ShockerWhen you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) Shop VacWhen a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power. ShrimpingThe term for licking or sucking your partner's toes. SkiingWhile facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action. SlumpbusterWhen a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump. Snerd NurglingThe act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"... SnoodlingWhen an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!" SnowballAh yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you. The SnuffLovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar. StrangerSitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else. Stranger On The RocksNumbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred. Strangers In The NightWhen you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else. Stingy NutWhen a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass. Sud N' FudWhen trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead. SurfingThis happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave. Swimmer's EarWhen a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection. Tea BagTo perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise. 3-Eyed TurtleBasically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth. The TortoiseWhen you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did. Tossing SaladA common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) Tropical WindWhen getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind. Tuna MeltYou're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. Twisted SisterHave your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun. Vegetarian Hot LunchA variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs. Wake Up CallWaking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?" The WalrusAfter spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus. Western GripWhen jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western. Westside GlazeSame as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face. The Woody WoodpeckerWhen a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead. The Zombie MaskWhile getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

Long Island Might Have Produced The Crazied Jane Vidosh But We Still

Made VINNY

Sweet Jesus, YES!

The long-awaited day is upon us. More analysis of the abortion that was the Cerino era to follow.

Mike Cerino Resigns at W&L to Return to Limestone

LEXINGTON, Va. -- Washington and Lee Athletic Director Mike Walsh has announced that Mike Cerino has resigned as Head Men's Lacrosse Coach effective June 30 to return to Limestone College as Head Men's Lacrosse Coach and Associate Athletic Director.

"It has been a genuine pleasure to work for Washington and Lee University during these last five years," said Cerino. "I have enjoyed coaching a wonderful group of student-athletes and will miss my associations here. This position at Limestone provides me the opportunity to redirect the lacrosse program and move into athletic administration, while providing a unique opportunity to join my extended family in South Carolina."

In his five seasons at Washington and Lee, Cerino posted a 53-24 (.688) record and won two Old Dominion Athletic Conference Tournament Championships. His 53 wins over his first five seasons are the second-most by a W&L coach in school history, trailing only Jack Emmer's 60 victories. Cerino helped maintain a level of success that has seen W&L post 17-straight winning seasons, the best stretch in program history.

Cerino's initial squad in 2002 notched a 14-4 overall record, won the ODAC Championship and advanced to the NCAA Semifinals. His 2004 team also went 14-4 overall, was the first team in ODAC history to go undefeated through the conference regular season and tournament, and advanced to the NCAA Quarterfinals. Additionally, Cerino's three NCAA Tournament wins are also tied for the best in program history.

"We thank Mike for five years of outstanding service to Washington and Lee University," said Walsh. "He has been an excellent coach and an exceptional emissary for our athletic department and University. We are very proud of the accomplishments of his teams and wish Mike every success in his new career opportunity. We are pleased that he leaves us with a program that is healthy and forward looking."

Cerino founded the lacrosse program at Limestone in 1990 and established it as one of the top Division II programs over 11 years, helping the Saints win 2000 National Championship.

Washington and Lee graduates just two players from its' 2006 team that went 7-6 overall with five losses to programs ranked in the Top 10. W&L returns 89.5 percent of its' scoring and five all-conference players, including the entire starting defense.

A national search for Cerino's replacement will begin immediately.

LAVAR AND THE G-MEN ARE GOING TO FUCK THE NFC EAST UP BIG TIME

THAT IS RIGHT, BABY, READ IT AND WEEP. YOU ARE ALL FUCKED. BIG TIME. ESPECIALLY YOU, THE DEADSKINS. FUCKED WITH A CAPITAL F. HAVE FUN GETTING LAMBASTED IN THE WASHINGTON FAGGOT POST FOR SUCKING MONSTER PENIS. THE GIANTS ARE GOING TO ROLL AND THERE IS NOT A FUCKING THING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two Brothers

Having nothing better to do at the moment, Cookiepuss went to go see how his brother Sisyphus was doing.

“What’s up, man?” asked Cookiepuss.

“Just playing this video game.”

“Which one?”

“Faggot Quest.”

“Still?”

“Yup.”

“The Sierra game. The one where you try to get Leisure Fruit Larry to have gay sex?”

“That’s the one.”

“And do you still always get to the very end and right when you’re about to have some big gay sex and finish the game you mess up and have to start all the way back at the beginning?”

“Happens every time.”

“So why don’t you just quit?”

“Good idea. I’ve never been the biggest fan of faggots to begin with.”

And Sisyphus turned off the game and stood up for the first time in an eternity.

“It’s about time,” said Cookiepuss. “Hey, do you want to go get some ice cream cake?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” said Sisyphus. “Man, you really love your ice cream cake, don’t you?”

“I am ice cream cake.”

“True, but is there anything then that you don’t love?”

“Yeah, iPuds.”

“You mean iPods?”

“Well sorta, they’re iPods that have been masterbatized.”

“What?”

“An iPud is an iPod that someone has physically used to masterbate.”

“You mean people will stick an iPod up their anus for sexual stimulation?”

“No, I mean people will sit there and jerk off their iPod. You see, some people just love their iPods so much that instead of using an erect penis to masterbate with, they get aroused by friggining their iPod off until they have an orgasm.”

“So people actually do that.?”

“All the time. Just yesterday I was sitting on the bus when I saw some guy do it. Made a real mess. “

“Jeez. You’d think they’d just fellate the darn things.”

“You’d think. Real sickos out there.”

“Yeah really.”

“Say, is that our parents I hear coming home?”

“I believe it is.”

“Cool. Well, I’ll go kill Dad then.”

“And I’ll go have sex with Mom.”

“Okay, sounds good. See you later.”

“Later.”

And that is how Sisyphus and Cookiepuss Oedipus spent the rest of the afternoon.

The End

chippereeno, veetoe, myself and nallsiepoo's thumb at preakness 06.  

you suck the towering boner of a cyclops

vidosh, your stinking size-16 clod hoppers are in the trunk of my car. retrieve them so as to remove the stench of death from my car. why did you leave them at nallsie-poo's anyway? they were right by the door from which you egressed. he made me take them with me. you suck.

in non-equine preakness casualties, my left big toe is seriously fucked the fuck up. it looks like vito spadafore's anoose after johnny cakes has his way with it. so no more red rockets flag football or comapny softball for me until my injury heels. (get it!?)

I like sexy french cartoon posters 

Taste it ESPN.com! I rule supreme!

The original espn.com article:

click here



My email response to the article:

-----Original Message-----
From: Big Blogger [mailto:bigblogger2k5@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 02, 2006 5:34 PM
To: Philbrick, Michael W; Darcy, Kieran D
Subject: Yankees Red Sox rivalry

here's an easier way to sum up the entire history of everyone involved
in the red sox yankees rivalry:

YOU ARE ALL FAGGOTS.



ESPN.com's reply:

From : Philbrick, Michael W Michael.W.Philbrick@espn3.com
Sent : Tuesday, May 2, 2006 7:12 PM
To : "Big Blogger" bigblogger2k5@hotmail.com
Subject : RE: Yankees Red Sox rivalry

Wow you really nailed it with that one.
I wish I had your gift for this.
Oh, and the gift to not have the guts to sign my own name.



My finishing blow:

OK FAGGOT

Ha Ha!

This comic strip is a perfect analogy for my life!

happy anniversary fagorts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AV BLOG

ON MAY 10, 2005, I ATE MY WEIGHT IN TACO BELL AND THIS BLOG WAS BORN

HAS ANYONE SEEN RICHIE? DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHY RICHIE DID BOBBY LUPO?

CLICK THIS IT IS A FUCKING AWESOME PICTURE

also vidosh emailed me this link with the caption "sign me up"

what a perverted piece of shit.


PANDA + SEGAL = FRIENDS

The Stupid Da Vinci Code for Fagorts

With the new movie coming out, Dan Brown's asinine tale of bullshit will be getting more pub than ever, and probably more criticism from the catholic church as well. While normally I enjoy anything that gets the pope's panties in a bunch, i agree that this story must be stopped, though for slightly different reasons than ratzinger. Cutting to the chase, here is why:

THERE IS NO SUCH SCIENCE AS SYMBOLOGY

the whole plot revolves around some asshole finding out clues to some big christian secret based on the fact that he is an expert symbologist. the is completely retarded. "oh look, two triangles, one points up and must represent a penis. the other points down and is a vagina. i have just unlocked the 2000 year old secret of jesus." THAT IS IN THE BOOK, I AM NOT KIDDING.

what a bunch of dumb shit. now people are going to think they too can be experts on 'symbology' and start blathering on about the different meaning of a circle. "Hey look, a V, Da Vinci used to use that in his works to represent motherhood and openness. It is a powerful symbol evident across divergent cultures and times." Oh no shit? Well guess what asshole, it's two fucking sticks, it could mean any fucking thing you want.

It's almost as bad as when Jurassic Park came out and millions of people suddenly became experts on DNA and the science of dinosaur cloning. No, I take that back, this is worse. WAAAAY worse. Go fuck yourself, Dan Brown.

dee tings on dee end of dee legs

both my company's softball team and the local rec flag football team i'm on suck tremendous ass. they excel at only one thing and that is defeat (GET IT?) . it's a good thing any last remnant of competitive spirit left in my body was crushed into oblivion way back in my senior year of high school wrestling.

here is a true team of heroes who know nothing of de feet.

speaking of high school wrestling, here are some slogans we had on our team shirts :

"ALTITUDE
is determined more by
ATTITUDE
than by
APTITUDE"

"PRESSURE
breaks the weak or forms the
DIAMOND"

"SUCCESS is a CHOICE"

"CHAMPIONS
don't take orders from little
BABY FAGORT PENQUINS
and people who went to the
CHAMINADE HIGH SCHOOL FOR DORK-ASSES"